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Chinese girl in love with Dutch man... Should I wait for him?

79 posts in this topic

Posted

Hi guys, I am a bit sad now. Thing went like us. We knew each other from a friend by email. But we did not meet each other before. After a half year's email, we like each other very much. He came to China to take a tour in this July, and then we met each other finally. We hang out together like lovers( just kissing sometimes). Before his last night in China, he asked me to spend the night with him, but I say no kindly because I am not sure what's in his mind.

Now, I really like him, but he has left for holland. He said he really like me very much, but he is not sure about if it is love or not.

The question is, it seems that I have fallen in love with him, but he is not sure about his feeling yet. should I wait for him? I am very confused and sad now and really don't know what I should do.

Should I forget him or? God!

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Posted

Life is going on, what I read here is merely a boyfriend, long-distance-relationship most of the time.

No need to forget him, but you should look around and meet other people too.

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Posted

distance makes the heart grow fonder!!! No harm seeing where it may lead if you think you are up for it.

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Posted

Guys are usually pretty simple. If he says that he is not sure if it is love or not, three things come to mind:

1. You haven't told him that you love him and he is afraid of saying it first, for fear that he will scare you away - because he does not know how you will react to it.

2. He is not ready to get married and worries that the 'L word' will quickly lead to marriage and/or make things more serious than he is prepared to be at the moment.

3. He doesn't love you...for whatever reason.

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Posted

You guys's ideas sound reasonable and workable. I think I have found the solution and known the result. Thank you, guys. But I have a question. Is it true that distance makes the heart grow fonder??!!! Or maybe not?

IMMORTAL, it seems that you are good at this. Nice analysis.

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Posted

There is no problem for a married couple to live sometimes not together for a while - maybe for a few weeks or months.

But this should be only occasionally, depending on circumstances.

Generally as a rule a couple should try to share the same rooms most of the time.

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Posted (edited)

Depends on how long any one period of separation is.

I'm away half the year, but it's on an equal roster 2 weeks on 2 weeks off, my wife and I find this works well. Since we married I think the worst roster we've had to deal with is 8 weeks on 3 weeks off. I think separation periods greater than 3 months at a time can test relationships to destruction, particularly if either party is overly possessive or prone to jealousy.

You need to have a great degree of trust and be reasonably relaxed, otherwise it won't work.

Best of luck!

Edited by Stocky

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Posted (edited)

Before his last night in China, he asked me to spend the night with him, but I say no kindly because I am not sure what's in his mind.

.... He said he really like me very much, but he is not sure about if it is love or not.

The question is, it seems that I have fallen in love with him, but he is not sure about his feeling yet...

If you can see from here, if he is NOT sure about the relationship, why would he asked you to spend the last night with him?? By the way you made the right choice by saying no to him.

If he is serious about you, or this relationship, he should had respected you. By knowing that traditional Asian girls (I assume you are) do not really "sleep" with guys until she is really sure about the relationship, and vise versa.

NO I don't think you should wait for him. By saying this doesn't mean you should forget him. Just let nature take its course. If he is serious about you, or when he realizes that you are the love of his life, then he will definitely come back to see you again. Otherwise, forget him and move on. Long distance relationship is not easy and a lot of sacrifices need to be made by both parties in order to make it work. Don't limit your options now. There are many good guys available in the market of 1.3 billions people.

By the way, you haven't told us much about yourself, and why and what do you Love about this guy? :lolipop:

Edited by ironloyalty

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Posted (edited)

I am in a long distance relationship right now and i can tell you it is very hard, you both need to have a lot of trust in each other and more importantly, respect..

It was not an easy choice to make, starting a long distance relationship, but if your feelings for that person are very strong and you both have those same feelings then yes, it may be worth trying..

In your case i am not so sure, although time will only tell on that one. Do you have regular contact with this guy? Does he show a lot of attention to you? Has he made any plans to go back to see you? Has he said anything about the way he feels for you?

These are all important questions you need to find out...

I talk to my gf every day either on skype or Line( iphone app) plus i send her an email everyday too.. and after my first trip to meet her i planned and booked my flight back as soon as i got back home again..

I am proving to her that my feelings are real and true...

If your Dutch guy is prepared to do this then yes it would be worth waiting, but at the moment you have not given much detail on what you are both talking about, so for now i would say keep your options open, till you know for sure his intentions...

Edited by ryderman3

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Posted

I have a long distance marriage. Usually away from Laos for 3 months then back for 2 weeks.

Longest time away has been 8 months. 2 years in Afghanistan and then 3 in Sudan with leave every 4 months.

As ryderman3 says it is hard on a relationship, but with a sat phone or skype I can talk to the wife and family on a daily basis.

The relationship has it's ups and downs as does any, but the time home is quality.

Ftl

Look into your options and review them, balance these against your idea of how you see the relationship. Then try to do the same, looking at it from his perspective.

But above all you both need to communicate with each other.

For me absence makes the heart grow fonder, and each time I come home it is like another honeymoon. :kiss2:

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Posted

My wife and I were chatting with the Poo Yai Baan's wife yesterday (village leader's wife in Thailand). Her 37 year old daughter is separated from her Thai husband as the marriage was a disaster, he had a mistress or two. She's now in a 'relationship' with a European guy she met online somehow. After visiting him in his own country on a tourist visa, it was discovered he has a wife there already and his dalliance with this Thai woman is a big secret. Nevertheless, she's persuing the relationship in some useless hope it will lead to a long term visa for her.

Really, you have to be careful with these schmuck's from Europe. Most of them come to Asia with some misguided notion that Asian girls are easy cheap prey, only fit for some fun.

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Posted

...that's probably a trifle harsh, I'd say many rather than most.

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Posted

I guess so. I think it's fair to quote Reagan though... 'Trust, but verify'.

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Posted

Really, you have to be careful with these schmuck's from Europe. Most of them come to Asia with some misguided notion that Asian girls are easy cheap prey, only fit for some fun.

Conversely you have heaps of Asian women looking for gullible westerners as ATMs.

My point we can all make stereotypes - certainly not applicable to the vast majority of Asian or Westerner. :idea:

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Posted

Nevertheless, she's persuing the relationship in some useless hope it will lead to a long term visa for her.

Well who's attempting to use who?

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Posted

Right. Some people are made for eachother.

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Posted

^^^ some people can love one another for life? (Champaign... damn I'm getting old :-( )

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Posted

It's hard to say anything as there is so much left out of this story, and as we all know, without facts, assumptions tend to follow.

Maybe the OP could give us more info?

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Posted

Ftl,

I would second what others have said here. The best course for you is to keep your options open. No one can read the mind of another, but if he asked you to sleep with him on the last night he was there with full knowledge he was leaving and no plans to return....my bet is you made the right call and should continue to trust your instincts.

My brother has been married to a Chinese girl for 10 years now and it is the best decision he ever made. Best of luck to you!

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Posted

ironloyalty, thank you for your suggestion. I think you’re right. And now I know what I should do now. Maybe I should give it up because I found that maybe he does not deserve my love even if I really love him. I had ever wanted to try my best to keep and protect our love, but it is useless if it is me only who want to do something for our love. I am willing to do anything for it, even if leaving my lovely country. But he still thinks that the long distance is a big problem and he said that he is scared to fall in love with other person when I am not beside him. When I heard this, I know what I should do and also know he is not the one whom I really want to look for and spend the whole life with. My friends say that my brain is too simple and innocent and easy to be taken in.

As for your question about why I love this guy, it is a difficult question to answer, maybe from the heart’s sound before. Now I think I don’t know him enough, the real he. Maybe he was perfect in my mind before, but after this issue and I know maybe he’s not. I am trying to get out of this relationship now and hope it’ not too late.

You’re right, there are many good guys available in the market of 1.3 billions people. And I know I will find him and meet each other someday. I still believe that there is true love. (My friends always say that I am stupid of having this belief in my mind, but I don’t care Maybe I watch too much movies).

Thank you very much, ironloyalty.

Hi Annoying Polemicist, thank you for your suggestion. I appreciate it vey much, really.

Hi Stocky, hope you a life time of happiness with your wife together. I think you are doing a great thing.

stumpy, I am jealous of you.

ryderman3, he said he like really me very very much and don't know whether it is love or not. But I think I know what I should do now. I believe that we Chinese girls are brave and clever enough. Thank you for your encourage.

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Posted

@Ftl: Keep us informed of any developments in your quest and do not hesitate to ask for advice.

Don't be jealous of me, find someone who will pamper you, look after you, be a good friend and provider.

And remember, communication is the name of the game. :thmbup:

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Posted

Something feels wrong with this. I wonder, why have you chosen to use this forum (aside from your unusually good English), and not a Chinese language forum with your Chinese peers?

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Posted

I guess because she's looking for some insight into how western men might think, she'll only get the equivalent of 3B Roma prejudice on a Chinese forum ~ "stay away from the round-eyed devils!"

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Posted

FTL - well good decisions are those that are made without regret!!!! Good Luck to you!!! :)

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Posted

Alternatively, if you still can't find you white-horse riding prince in China, you may consider to look for one in the following country:

Hope you like satay though.

https://cdn.xpat.life/forum/uploads/monthly_08_2012/post-7272-0-32343100-1344516407.gif

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Posted

After reading your post, story of Mr. Fantabulous with his wife comes to mine. I feel there is something similar between your Dutch guy and Mr. Fantabulos. He is probably looking for loves and have many choices at the moment. He likes you very much but he also likes some others too.

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Posted

Iron you are missing the ..... x...... marks the spot. :P

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Posted

:rofl2:

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Posted

Good spirit though. Can't complaint!! ^_^

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Posted

I answered all the questions in different posts yesterday. But i don't know why it shows in the same post now and it looks a bit weird. Sorry, guys. Thank you very much for your valuable advice. I am starting a new life now and trying to forget everything. It's a good way to share people's life here from different countries. You will know more about the people’s ideas and maybe they are from the same country.

I went home from work yesterday, and on the way, I suddenly realized that life is so beautiful and you don't know what will happen next. Believe in others sometimes can give you a nice break.

God bless you guys.

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