Advice on Relationship with Chinese Girl - Meeting Mom and Dad

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Posted

Hello, my name is Ian and I am new here (as you can tell).

I am in the situation where I have met a Chinese girl on-line and am going to visit her in a few weeks; we met via a marriage agency site and have been writing since the Spring.

Now I have dated internationally before, so I do not need the general advice about scam artists etc; what I really need is a quick and dirty guide to the Do's and Don't's of acceptable behaviour in social situations. I have tried to read this up using the internet, but there is a lot of contradictory advice; so when I stumbled across this site, it was a lucky day for me!!!

I have been lurking and reading the forums on China for a week, but so far have not found enough about my particular situation to help me.


I was not looking for a Chinese woman, I saw her on a Russian and FSU dating site, and things just clicked!!! Pretty, witty, independently minded and old enough at 28 that I do not feel guilty.

(I am 43 and have a gorgeous 19 y/o Russian girl chasing me, but being old enough to be her Dad has so far stopped me from giving in to lust!!!)

I have dated Russian, Czech and Kyrgyz, how different are Chinese girls?? She is from Hunan but currently living in Guangzhou.

Any advice accepted!

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Posted

GentleGiant - Welcome to OE.

What sort of advice are you seeking? I mean, Chinese women are like any other women - there are no 'special rules' to follow.
I guess, if you could be a little more specific with your inquiries, we may have a better chance in helping you.

If you are referring to how you should handle yourself around her parents etc., well, that's easy. Just behave similarly to the way you would if you were meeting the parents of a girl from your home country. Simply put, be polite and respectful, don't dress like a bum, and be proper (no belching etc.). They know that you are not Chinese - so they will not expect you to act like a Chinese; however, if you want to go the extra mile and impress them - just learn some Chinese.

Good luck!

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Posted (edited)

The trick is to understand they are just women, the details of the social rules may not all be the same but they know you wont always know how to act in China because you aren't Chinese, they are smart and pretty modern and they know what they want and they will let you know if you just sort of feel your way along gradually and be open to what signals they are giving you. Don't expect the same as at home but you cant miss them if you just be aware and have fun. Chinese women may pretend not to be but they are pretty aggressive they will try harder to catch your eye and they will hold your gaze longer and smile. If it didnt work w your girl you'd prolly still have 3 more options before you went home.

Seriously you have nothing to worry about though, one thing about Chinese women that I love is that they know how to take care of their man. I ran out of (Chinese) cash and my girl gave me money under the table to pay for all her friends drinks and dinner so I could gain face, she asked how to work my blood sugar monitor so she could help me with my diabetes. She always wants to take my laundry but the hoel does it "free" and its back that afternoon. Dude she ties my shoes for me when I leave the hotel room to go to work LOL. She knows I can turn in receipts for expenses so she collects huge piles while I'm not there, when I get there she gives me such a massive stack I couldn't possibly turn most of them in but she does everything she can for me. I have no doubt she would make an amazing wife.

Your girl will take you under her arm and make sure things go well with her parents. Tell her you want to bring a gift for her father and let her help you pick it. Learn hello, thank you, goodbye and at least two other politenesses and when you eat with them pass her father the first taste of any dishes. If you all eat somewhere with a lazy susan on the table, they will spin the dish around to you... but you just take the edge and keep spinning until it gets back in front of him and sort of insist, if they swing it back again then just say "shieh shieh" thank you and eat and don't worry but you usually allow the guest of honor or the oldest person to eat first and it is very polite for you to say no no I insist and pass it back to him as the oldest and her father, even if they don't let you get away with it (they prolly wont) you will score serious points for the gesture.

Also if there is beer on the table you always refill the glasses of the other drinkers around you and let them refill yours. They do a lot of toasting and "Gan Bei" means dry your cup so drink the whole thing. They give you points for speed too. LOL. After someone fills your glass up or as its being poured you can tap your index and middle fingers (like a flight attendant points) on the table it means thankyou.

I'm trying to think of what else will be easy for you to do and remember, general manners, like gesturing for them to go in front of you etc... Chinese guys don't often do this and Chinese women LOVE it when you do it.

Really don't sweat it. They will love you because you are going to take great care of their baby and give her a better life than she could have hoped for without you.

Good luck man. I'm supposed to be meeting my girl's parents next time I go over too, LOL. I guess that means I will be engaged... Work keeps postponing or canceling my trips lately though, next one will not be until next year, she keeps emailing me to find out when I'm coming back...

OH yeah, one last tiny little piece of advice... Chinese condoms are smaller. I know Latex is real stretchy and all but they are just too snug for my tastes. Bring your own rubber duckies from home. If you run out its cool you can buy them ANYWHERE there and they will work fine. Methos will tell ya they just fit better but trust me on this one...

Edited by Tingbudong2

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Posted

Thank you Tingbudong2, this is exactly the type of advice I need.

I know a woman is a woman wherever you go, but every society has "Triggers", little cultural things that can set them off!! So I am hoping for a few tips on what to avoid!!
So far I have been told not to lick my fingers in public and never ever wear a green hat; which is a bummer cos my favourite hat is a Jack pike in Oakland Green!!

Confirming the "No, No, I insist" rule is a great help, as is pouring the drinks and in which order; I had read this elsewhere, but so much of the advice on Chinese Cultural websites gets contradicted, i wanted it from someone with current knowledge.

I am (cough) not small (cough), downstairs, so was already planning on taking some UK ones

What has surprised me, after hearing about how Straight-laced the Chinese Girls can be; is that Tina has decided we will be sharing a bed throughout my visit, and has been going around hotels checking the bed sizes out!! I need something fairly sturdy, being 1.98m and 120kg!!

Trying to find the time to learn some Mandarin is proving difficult, I have never been good at languages either!! Right now I have paperwork from my new promotion stacked up to about eye level, and at my height, that is quite some pile!!!

Can anyone suggest a good site with phonetic spellings of basic words I can learn?? I do not want to rely on an electronic translator as I found some of it's Russian intonations to be wrong when I used it last time!!

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Posted

but every society has "Triggers", little cultural things that can set them off!! So I am hoping for a few tips on what to avoid!!
So far I have been told not to lick my fingers in public and never ever wear a green hat; which is a bummer cos my favourite hat is a Jack pike in Oakland Green!!

- This is ridiculous. You are not Chinese - they know that you're not Chinese. You are not going to offend them. Believe me - you will be fine as long as you are polite, respectful and possess a 'grade school level' of understanding when it comes to table etiquette. You're looking in to this too much. Just take it easy - you'll be fine.

Here's a fact - worst case scenario: you offend the parents...so what? You will still get the girl.
The chances of you offending them 'intentionally' are 0%. You obviously care a lot about this girl, and impressing her parents. They will see this. You'll be fine.

Can anyone suggest a good site with phonetic spellings of basic words I can learn??

- Your best bet would be to learn the phonetic representation of Chinese - pinyin. Learn how to pronounce each pinyin sound (shouldn't take you too long), then google 'pinyin phrases'. There is an abundant source of information available online for learning pinyin/Chinese. Don't worry about learning the different tones - it is not necessary at this point.

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Posted

Giant really don't sweat it man.

METHOS and I are both telling you the same thing, they will expect you to be a little lost in China and help you with that and be easy going on you... The Chinese are great hosts and extremely friendly people. No worries, OK. I know your nervous, Im gonna be sweating bullets when I meet m girls parents because I asked her near the end of my last trip when she started trying to set up a dinner for me to meet her parents, "Hey Yan, Do your parents know where you've been sleeping every night for the last week?"

"Yes of course"

"Are you kidding me your Dads gonna hate me before he even meets me!"

"Yes, Chinese fathers do not like no-good-boys (her pet name for me is "no-good-boy") but you are good man and he will like you"

They are very much the pragmatic realists. They understand life and don't have so many hangups about things like that. Just don't start sleeping with her and dump her or it would be a huge shameful thing for her and probably her parents too.

There are some good phonetic books out there, I go to Borders here in the US and though I never buy that kind (I know Pinyin and just go right for the straight up grammars and such, but I see a lot of them. Honestly if your going to marry a Chinese girl just bite the bullet and get "Pimsleur's Comprehensive Mandarin I" on CD and rip them to MP# so you can put them on an I-pod or something. Rossetta stone is getting great reviews all over but you have to be sitting at your computer. I started with the CDs then moved on to making my own flash cards with the phenomes or the letter combinations that make up potential sylables once I was at about lesson 8 on the cds and knew the tones pretty well plus had learned to "sound out" words in Pinyin from my flash cards then I moved on to using phrase books and a good two way Mandarin/English dictionary to make more flash cars for specific words and phrases that would be the most useful to me right away and could build on the simple grammer I was learning from the Pimsleur. using that system works best for me because its easy to take on the go. My i-pod is mall and I can practice on the gym, or in the car on a plane etc. The cards are small too and I just take a mix of new and older ones in my pocket or something and whenever I'm stuck somewhere I pull them out and work on them. Then I flip them over and go the other way or mix them up etc. Just a word or phrase on one side in English and the Pinyin on the back, the beauty of that and a good portable 2 way dictionary is she can use them too. I find Chinese girls have a lot of fun practicing with me and they are all trying to improve their English all the time. Pimsleur is the ONLY set of CDs worth buying though and it is awesome you wont believe how quickly it "sticks" in your head if you do them the way you are supposed to, only one 30 minute lesson a day, then sleep on it before going on or go ahead and repeat old lessons as much as you want. I bought the first set then I "heard" you can easily download the full three sets for free on Bittorrent and they'll already be in mp3 format too. The sets arent cheap, maybe 128.00 US? I dont remember but get the comprehensive set not the little one. YOur gonna be glad you did later if you are seriously wanting to share the rest of your life with a Chinese girl. Do double check that shes most comfortable with mandarin though. I would expect yes though as my girl id from Hunan too and thats what we converse in, well my limited Chinese and her limited English plus dictionary combie for quite good communication... BTW kudos on picking a Hunan girl! LOL, they are aspicy as the food they cook. Best food in China in my opinion, I do like it spicy though.

Phonetic stuff... I don't know how to give you tones here but Ill have ago...

Nee how -- Hello (both tones are like a U in that they they start going down down and then turn up, but if you Nee down then how up you'll be understood and it will be less tongue twistery)

sheh sheh -- Thank you (both tones are going down like when you finish and English statement)

Tsai chen -- Good bye (both turn down again)

Pyow lee yung -- this is one word so mush it together together, Pretty. "Nee hun pyowleeyung" is you are very pretty, she will like that. If its the only compliment in your lexicon LOL save it for when its gonna count...

Wah boo shee hwon sher -- with sher going up, means I dont like snake, LOL could be important...

Bee yoon tao -- Condom, or you can use the hands in front of your groin and make the rolling one on gesture and she will know what you mean... Just in case you are running out and need to go buy more... I mean hey shes already out looking for big enough beds!

She show jian -- bathroom. She show jian zai nar --- Where is the bathroom? Nar tone is rising...

Wah I nee -- I love you Wah and nee are "U" tones, I dont remember I but just leave it flat and you'll be fine... Dont get the tones wrong! or it means she has a fat ass with a hairy mole... JK she will recognize that one even if you butcher it! They don't really say that lightly though. When they do it means they really mean it and she will assume the same from you. The ease with which westerners use the term love... I love my motorcycle, I love my dog, I love this dish etc confuses them... Love means real in love, love to them... just be forewarned.

Hope those help, I still suggest my "system" with the pimsleur cds... you could easily average .75 of a lesson a day so with a few weeks you could be well into lesson 15 or even to 20 by the time you leave if you really bust yr butt and do the days lesson a couple of times a day, plus have a good little pile of additional short flash card phrases for what ever it is you want to say... Youd be doing very well and ready to impress.

Alternatively, or as an aside, try Chinesepod.com its a very good podcast. I just use it along with everything else...

Again good luck man but seriously DO NOT STRESS yourself out. This is going to go SO well all you need do is relax and be yourself, be polite like you would anywhere and let the girl sort of steer you through it. She will take care of you man.

Oh and along with the condom thing... and I'm only going here because you made the size comment... They aren't big down there. Im not one to propagate stereotypes but it is actually true in every case that Ive personally had the pleasure to observe. They really do have itsy bitsy bits and you're gonna need to take it easy. I'm not calling huge but I'm in the large end of avg I guess but in China I have not been with a single girl who's eyes didn't roll back in her head and she go nuts then tell me I'm by far the biggest guy shed ever been with, or my little brother is very strong LOL and sometimes they are sore the next morning... No complaints about that though... Just remember you might need to be gentle... One last thing I don't think many Chinese guys like going down town. I DO! And Chinese girls sometimes have no idea what I'm doing when I start heading there... Sometimes they initially freak out a little but once you calm them down and do it they tend to go crazy and flip out. I just think a lot of them have never really been treated right by a man in the sack. A lot of straight up missionary with out much good foreplay etc and they really appreciate it when a guy shows them what is actually possible in that area. Just don't snap your little girl like a twig. None of this is to say some of them don't REALLY know what they are doing but you might wonder about her a little if shes got too many kinky skills, I mean where'd she learn to do that? I guess don't ask, don't tell right?

LMAO yeah I forgot to tell you the green hat thing... Don't bring her pops a Green Bay Packers hat for a gift! Dont point wit your chopsticks. You can use them well right? If not go to a Chinese restrant and gt them to help you then order a bowl of peanuts and practice on those. That's how they practice in China. Check the weather before you go. In the summer GZ is ridiculously hot and humid you will drown in sweat just standing still. Now its prolly getting quite a bit better. But make sure you prepare for that. Washing clothes in a fancy hotel is no problem but they over do it and your stuff fades pretty bad. You need comfy walking shoes. Ive been in 6 and 7 story buildings with no elevators there.

SAFETY...

NO ICE or water that you didnt crack the seal on the bottle for. Brush your teeth with bottled water or soda, or mouth wash.

Wah bu shiang bing! I dont want ice...

Take a bottle of antidiarhea pills and at first inkling of an unsettled stomach, pop a double dose...

Take a small squeeze bottle of hand sanitizer, the waterless kind. USE IT.

Take some Tylanol PM or melatonin or whatever will knock you out cold so you can sleep.

Visa cards are good in China but a lot of places are cash and carry so right when you get there exchange a pretty hefty amount of cash for RMB then put maybe 1000 RMB in your wallet and the rest under the insole of your shoe or in a travel wallet or belt money holder etc. So its safe and tucked a way.

Just a handy tip: Before you go, buy a little business card wallet and when you get thee collect business cards/name cards/Mingpian for every place you go that you might ever want to return to. Especially your HOTEL, fav restrnts some where in the cool shopping plaze that you like, anything... ITs great to hail a cab and flash hi a card and go there without having to try and get diections across or anything like that. You ARE NOT going to remember the Chinese names for resaurants so dont even try LOL. Business cards are the bomb for that though. Maybe bring a nice pile of your own or get some free ones printed out that are just you, not for work... Everybody makes a big deal out them there and you hand them with both hands sort of bowing over them and take there's the same way look at it even though its indecipherable and either put it on the table in front of you so you can see it or carefully wallet it. I also use a lot of gypsy cabs, private ones if you dont know the term, they will give you their card so you can call them whenever.

Man thats a novel, sorry LOL... Hope it helps though. I better actually do some work here. Im getting paid to tell you fun stuff about China. I LOVE my job !

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Posted

THANK YOU!!

This is exactly what I need.!!

We have already had a few conversations about s.e.x. , nothing too graphic, but she does say she is "not very experienced", so I was already planning on being VERY careful; she is expressing a lot of joky interest in going "down town"(your words, not hers!!!), so I am guessing she has never felt a man doing much down there!! Luckily for her, I enjoy giving a girl pleasure, so she will not be disappointed!!
I am not the type of man who sleeps around for fun, so my intentions are honourable, something I believe her parents already know about me; her mum is already knitting baby clothes!!!

I cannot find a reference to "Essential" Mandarin Just "Pimsleurs Mandarin 2nd Edition." is this the same thing or is there another version I am not finding in my on-line search??

I asked her which variant to learn as she speaks Mandarin and Cantonese, and she said Mandarin because it is what her parents speak and what she knows best.

I have been to Russia and was planning a trip to Kyrgyzstan, so I am well read on the water hazards, I will be taking a water bottle with built-in micro filtration as well!!

Being a Nursery Manager, I am used to baby wipes for my hands and try to take an effective range of medicines with me whenever I travel, although I try to avoid anything that makes me too sleepy; a glass of wine, or hot milk is usually enough for me; although I think I will avoid the milk while I am over there!!, anyway, I only have 2 weeks!! who needs sleep!!

Basically I just want to avoid anything cultural gaffe-wise, that they might respond to on a sub-concious level without really thinking about it; I blew my chances with a very nice woman in Dubai last year because I said something innocently that she took as a great insult because of her culture (Muslim).

FSU women are fussy, make one tiny mistake and you are history, they can make as many as they like though....


So, Hunan women are they best?? It is good to see my luck is changing!!!

Thank you both for your kind words!

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Posted

Gentlegiant just be yourself, be polite etc same as anywhere else.

They won't expect you to understand Chinese culture, but if you do make 'cultural mistakes' they will most probably take great delight in pointing them out to you, rather than be offended.

Try this site for learning some Mandarin.

www.chinesepod.com

I have the first 100 lessons on pdf and mp3 if you want them, let me know.

I've been through the same thing when I met my girlfriends parents, her father doesn't speak a word of English and at the time I didn't speak any Chinese. With the help of my girlfriend I bought him his favourite bottle of wine and took her mother a bunch of flowers. Worked a treat.

Definitely don't wear a green hat. It's kind of like wearing a dunces hat back home. I believe it also means something about your wife being unfaithful of something..

Enjoy.

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Posted

Hmmm my set is "Comprehensive Mandarin I" It is about 8 years old though so maybe there's a different version out. Just make sure its the first set, and the big version... A less scrupulous fellow might download a client like utorrent, install it, then go to some site like www.torrentz.com and just search for pimsleur then DL the whole set. Im just explaining the process to you for educational purposes mind you not suggesting you actually do that. It would be wrong almost like theft...

Alternatively just get whatever version you can as long as its a beginner set but Pimsleur is the only cd set where Ive really found that the system works.

Hey if you don't mind my asking where were you looking that you found these girls online? You guys don't have this Bull $hit IMBRA crap like we have in the USA or anything similar do you? Is it difficult to get her home once you tie the knot?

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Posted

Get yourself Rosetta Stone Chinese... works wonders... has pinyin as well... good luck!

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Posted

STRANGE!!

My reply sank without a trace!!

In brief, i have this strange file ending in ".ut" growing on my hard drive.

Rosetta Stone is very good at teaching languages, but starts with "baby talk", and I need a few simple words and phrases, like those already given (thank you!!); so I will be trying pimsluer as well.

I had an email yesterday, she told me that she decided I was "the one", only 3 days after our first exchange of letters, and that she had about 200 replies to her profile. Not sure why she chose now to tell me this but.... it makes me feel good!!!

I was hoping that they .ut file would be a lot bigger when I got in from work, but there was a power-cut not long after I left for work this morning, so I have lost about 9 1/2 hours worth of downloading.

I am lucky with my ISP, the bandwidth monitor they use is broken, although they will not admit it; my usage chart regularly goes down as well as up!!! and currently shows less than 1/4 of what I have really downloaded this month

Although the UK does not have IMBRA, we get affected because it forces all the sites that US netizens use, to comply, getting the girls back here is supposedly quicker and easier, although the government have started doubling visa prices every few years; a visa that cost less than £70 a few years ago is now over £250.
Mind you, a lot of greedy websites used IMBRA to up their fee's even though it often costs them nothing to comply.

A friend of Tina's (who lives a few mile from me), met her new husband online last Autumn, he visited her earlier this year and brought her home a few months later; they were married on 4th July.
Tina's friend Eunice, who helps all the girls find a suitable man, tells her that a UK visa takes only a few weeks, compared with up to a year for the US. Eunice is like an "Auntie" to all the girls and checks out the men and helps with visits and translations.

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Posted

My tool of choice for learning chinese is: www.chineselearnonline.com

Very comprehensive and step by step learning. .

And the site owner, Adam is a real nice guy, make any suggestions for improvements and he will get on it right away. I also have Rosetta Stone which I use occasionally when I am not using chinese learn online site.

It is still a slow ass language for english people to learn. . unless you can speak it all day everyday.. which even if you live in CHina. .is not likely.

D

As for your internet bride... .well it might work. .. But better you don't go live in China. . I had some online friends from China who I thought were hotties. ..but now that I moved here maybe my standards went way up and I'm looking for hotty, who is independant, smart, fun, and sassy and employed not just "cute and wants me". And I've found one who I am pursuing! Also don't trust the photos they post online.. . China has GREAT photo studios that can give girls airbrushed modified images of themselves for bargain prices. Can make any girl look like a model. Believe me!

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The first few photos were all photo-shopped; well, studio air-brush jobs; but I am not stupid and so quickly got lots of "real" photos as well; they blurred out a couple of spots and a small mole, and evened up her skin tone.

The biggest worry is how honest they are about their height; it does not matter for most guys, but being 1.98m means a woman needs to be at least 1.60 if I am not to put my back out trying to kiss her!!! Several times I have met women who have been 15-20 cm shorter than they claimed!! (1.65 is "shoulder height" against me)

Although I like a pretty face, it is what goes on behind the face that determines it for me. we share an odd sense of humour, and a sense of playfulness that I have found very rare among the many women I have met on-line in the past 3 1/2 years.

So I think I am slightly beyond "cute and wants me"!!

ANY language is going to be slow for me to learn, SERIOUSLY!! I am really bad at languages!!! That is why I like to have lots of different options, in the hope that one of them will DO IT and I will be able to make progress.

With Russian, I would get stuck on a particular lesson for weeks before something would finally click and I could proceed, but actually being in Russia, surrounded by Russian speakers gave me the biggest boost, and I managed to complete more lessons in the two weeks I was there, than in the previous 3 months!!
I still hadn't reached lesson 20/100 within a year though!!! :lol:

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Yeah I hear you on the height issue. Lucky for me who likes petite women I'm only 5'6" standing up. Sometimes almost as tall layin' down LOL. Easy for me to find girls in a comfy height range in China.

I do see more and more tall ones though. I went out a couple of times with a Xian girl, very pretty and quite a bit taller than me. Don't know her exact height but like I said I have seen some bean poles. LOL, the tall ones can be quite statuesque and striking. Imagine those legs, well you don't really have to because in GZ anyway they DO dress to show them off.

I wish there was some way I could just give you a copy of my set but UK is a long snail mail from Seattle and a big set of rather large 15 MB a piece files. If you had some kind of FTP site for me to use I'd just upload them, but I don't know how to set that up myself. I don't have an IRC client on this laptop either. Any suggestions? OH DUDE you must get "Making Out In Chinese"!!!! Awesome book, both funny and perfect for your needs.... Lemme go get mine Ill give you ISBN and author info...

... Ahhh yes... Making Out In Chinese, revised edition by: Ray Daniels Tuttle publishing, ISBN 0-8048-3390-7

This book rocks, I dont know why I didnt think of it before. Its a general phrase book, not big, but it has all your normal things youll need then moves on to things like swearing and insults then goes into hitting on chicks and finally how to ask for certainn things or for her to remove certain articals of clothing then words for doing various aspects of "the nasty" even on to breaking up telling a chick you have VD or how good/bad it was and how to break up or what to say when you are ready to propose. Its got phonetic/Pinyin/Chinese Characters/English so you could even point. She will even think the book is pretty funny, my girl did. You so need to go order it at your local book store tomorrow. You will have serious fun with it! No doubt. Like I aid its small and cheap and easy to pocket it and take it w you. Great on the all purpose things too not just for "making out" I got it off the shelf at Borders. I used to have the Japanese one now I have that as a scanned PDF. 96 pages in this one though its too much for me to scan for you but if you can't get a hold of it tell me and I will scan and email you some of the best pages, ok?

Tingbudong = Tyler, by the way. well it means "I hear (but) dont understand" you should memorize it, girls always smile if you smile and shrug and say Ting boo dong, then after a while they will see you struggle and ask "Ting bu dong?"

They know and they know you try the best you can but its hard. They want to communicate just as bad and they feel for you being there and not being able to speak the language, they are trying too. Sometimes its nice just to talk to the other person in your own language even when they cant understand it and really just tell them what youre thinking or feeling in English. I don't mean this comparo in a bad way... But its like when I say what I'm thinking or get something major off my chest to my dog. She has no idea what I'm saying of course, she only hears Blah blah blah blah LOKI (her name) blah blah blah blah FOOD blah blah blah OUTSIDE, blah blah blah... But she still knows Im communicating with her and she listens very intently and then comes over and curls up by me, right? And I feel good about being able to get it all off my chest to SOMEONE even if she doesn't know WTF I said and can only tilt her head and make growly sounds at me... The Chinese girls just get that you have things to say to them and understand that you are trying and read your tone of voice that whatever it is you mean it and its a connection between you. Look in her eyes and speak gibberish and you are still speaking to her on a deeper level that responds to vocal interaction and eye contact. At some point we could only grunt and didn't have real language, you know we are still hardwired to respond to voice tone and the rest of that even if there is nothing comprehensible. Its like Windows... Once they write it in it stays forever and just bloats your software but its still in there. You understand what I'm getting at? When it brakes down and you cant say what you want to say to her just think fkk it and say it all in the only language you can, just get it out to her. She will prolly just go "Ting bu dong!" But she will sense the feeling behind your gibberish. Try it it really works if there really IS feeling behind it.

AND go get that book!!!!

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Thanks Tyler, that is a VERY useful word to know, my first sentence in Russian was "Yan ne pinny my-o" I don't understand
I will feed that book data into Amazon and WH Smiths to see if they stock it on-line; Malvern is fairly small and the shops do not stock much beyond the usual tat.

And MrFantabulous.. thank you, I can now say 4 Chinese/Mandarin words!! I downloaded the first 4 levels and will load them onto my mp3 player for use in the bath!!, Andy has a very interesting voice, so many of the people on language courses sound like robots with a head cold, it makes such a difference!!!

Tina supposedly speaks a little English, although she is not very confident and is very quiet if I phone her; it is strange she can read it well enough to understand, but still asks Eunice to translate her letters into English to send to me.
She has said she will take English lessons in the weeks before I arrive, to brush up on her language skills, so I expect sign and body language, and smiles will form a large part of our vocabulary!!!

There is a big difference between 5`'6" and 5'18" !! (my little joke, as told to short people ); Tina says she is 5' 3", which is about as short as I have ever looked for a girl friend, even in bed the height difference causes problems; if you do not let them go on top they can suffocate!!!!

Of course, REALLY short people get told I am 4'30"!!!!!

Tina cant be telling much of a lie about her height, I have seen pictures of her with her family, if she was much shorter than she says, it would make her mum about the size of Frodo Baggins!
Still 2" would be the difference between shoulder height and being in the armpits of the world!!! (well, of the Ian, anyway!!)

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"I went out a couple of times with a Xian girl".... Xi'an is close to where I live in Lanzhou... People here are taller. I'm only 5'9 and most my Chinese friends are taller... I was quite suprised at first but then again, I grew up watching Hong Kong films.

GG, I don't know which Rosetta Stone lesson you are using but the one I've got is not baby talk. I use it quite often to improve upon my "grammar", which is almost non-existant in Chinese. Don't knock it, it's great especially for listening/understanding.


I always joke with Mr.Tingbudong and about his name... an expression I use all the time is "ni sha da bu dong".... which basicaly means "you don't understand anything"...

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Hi Jack,

What I meant is that RS teaches the way a baby learns, it starts by giving names to objects, then expanding on those words.

eg,
Girl, girl with long hair, girl with long black hair.

Girl running, Girl jumping, Girl eating

etc

This is great for learning the names of things, but I do not have time to get through to sentences I would need for my visit.



I have ordered "Making out in Chinese" from an Amazon reseller, for the princely sum of £0.60 plus £2.75 P&P!!

It should be good fun to try this out with Tina when we are alone!!!! Although I may skip the part about "having an STD" :lol:

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It should be good fun to try this out with Tina when we are alone!!!! Although I may skip the part about "having an STD"

- Why? You might learn something new about her.

JK

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Yes, there is a good chance I would learn something new about her; how good her right hook is!!!!!!

Your statement reminds me of a joke about Rodeo style.

What is Rodeo style ??

Well it is a bit like doggy style, but half way through you squeeze her tits and say they feel just like her mothers; then try to stay on as long as possible!!!!!!!

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Gotcha GG...

I don't know how easy it is to get...but the book I recommend is "A Study Tour For Learners Of Chinese" by Dr. Andrew Lynn...

It has 150 basic sentences for daily conversation. Each sentence is written in four different ways.
You have the pinyin, the characters, the literal word for word translation (which is very useful to see the pattern of word usage) and then how it usually translates into an English expression.

I still use the book for the 100 commonly used characters.

The books approach is not to immerse you in the characters but teach you pinyin and common conversation patterns. I've gone through twenty books, this one is my favorite.

Good luck on your ventures!

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Thanks Jack, I will add it to my list.

Does anyone know anything about the situation in the US regarding US/Foreign marriages, Green Cards, Alimony,etc??

One of Tina's friends is in a spot of bother, she married last year and now finds her husband is cheating on her with his ex-wife AND his boss's wife!!!
She is terrified of being made homeless, so is stuck, not knowing what to do. Apparently her English is not yet very good, so she does not feel she is able to go ask for help at a free legal clinic.

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- Is she an American citizen? It is my understanding that, if she has not taken the necessary steps for becoming an American citizen, then she will have to return to China if they divorce - once/before her visa expires.
Any other questions/advice that I have - you have probably already thought of.

Check out this site (I'm sure there are others):
http://www.freeadvice.com/

Legal advice can be sought - also, they have a great forum that covers a lot of content that regularly sees replies.

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Just to answer your question...No... I hate the red tape I have to go through just for being an American sometimes living here... I couldn't imagine the sh*t I'd have to go through whilst living there.

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Posted (edited)

The simple answer is "I dont know"; her English is poor and she arrived in the US last September. so has been married to this man less than a year; he is apparently stopping her from socialising with neighbours as well.
I have passed on the web and postal address's of two Chinese-American Organizations I found on the internet, and hope that she will contact them for help and advice; she is in a strange country,knowing little of the language, with a child; and a husband she can no longer trust.

This is something that has worried me about Tina, and another Chinese woman I write to last year; they seem very trusting and eager to commit with very little knowledge of what they are letting themselves in for.
I have told Tina I will not commit until we have met and spent time together, but she is already planning for children!!! At least this poor friend of hers does not have to worry about being pregnant or having a young child to cope with.

On a lighter note, I have started the chineseonline (col), course, but am having trouble with the woman's pronunciation, she seems a little "spitty" at the beginning of words, can someone please give me the phonetic spelling for "thanks"?, sometimes she sounds "sh" and other times "ch". I am still working on finding a good set of PinYin; if her voice is this "spitty" throughout I will have to try something else!!

Pimsluers is currently at 43.9%, perhaps I should have gone for the smaller mp3 version!!! Having a power cut did not help, I lost nearly 10 hours worth of download time, and then had to waste another hour hash checking the file.

I will give RS a chance and take my laptop into the bath with me tonight, then try the col audio again in bed later.

Yes, I know computers and water do not really mix, but it is a very old laptop, the battery is on it's last legs and a replacement battery is nearly $200 so dropping it in the bath would be no big deal, I am looking at getting an Asus Eee PC 901 soon anyway.

Edited by GentleGiant

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can someone please give me the phonetic spelling for "thanks"?, sometimes she sounds "sh" and other times "ch".


'x' in pinyin is pronounced 'sh'

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Thank you for that, the book with all the Pinyin spellings in should arrive sometime this week, unless someone would care to send me the pdf files for level one of COL :-)

Well I am sat here in the bath with RS; I can now identify the words for plane, cat, dog, horse and elephant reliably, and usually figure out man, woman, boy, girl!!
On and Under sound too similar through laptop speakers, i should have brought a pair of headphones in with me, Car is the one that is NOT a plane and i still cannot figure out which bits mean table and riding!!!

My brain aches, so I have stopped for a rest, and a medicinal dose of RadioIo/Acoustic.

This morning's email contained the information that, "watching porn while eating cheetos leads to an orange willy"!!!

A bit gob-smacked, I replied that I had never managed to eat cheetos when watching porn because I did not have enough hands, one for the remote (slo-mo and pause), one for my willy, and one for the cheetos, THAT MAKES THREE!!.

So if anyone would care to enlighten me as to how this is possible, feel free to post!!!!!

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actually Methos....'sh' sounds like 'shi' not 'xi'.... 'xi' sounds more like spanish 'si'...
you should say 'xie xie' not shie shie...

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I'm not following you, Fancy.

I was simply pointing out that when you see a word beginning with 'x' in pinyin, then you pronounce it as a 'sh' sound. such as the following:

'xi' would be pronounced by an English speaker as 'she' (like, she is a smart girl).

Although, in truth, depending on where you are in China, you will hear it quite differently. In fact, Chinese people will have difficulty understanding each other at times - for example, someone from Beijing talking to someone from HaiNan Island. The dialects or 'accents' can be very different for certain words/sounds depending on which region of China you are in.

- Maybe this is why I am not following you, Jack...?

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Putonghua aka Mandarin is the same across the board... the Mandarin 'X' is not pronounced as a 'SH' sound.... a 'SH' sound is spelled as such...as in, shi, shan, sheng, sha... 'X' is prounounced like a ssssssnake ssssssound, it'ssssss hissss.... thusly, xie xie, wo shi Jack does not sound like shie shie, wo shi Jack...

Xi would be more like 'see' not 'she'....

The books will show the 'x' as a 'sh' sound quite often but it's only to get you in the ballpark and it's really just not right.

If I say to you "OK" and use the work "xing", it will sound more like "sing"...
Trust me, if you were to say "shing", no one would understand you.

My wife and all her cronies work as radio DJs and ,holding the proper Mandarin certificates, are always correcting my pronounciation.

Just trying to be helpful, not judgemental in the least bit.

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Just trying to be helpful, not judgemental in the least bit.

- I know you are, Jack.

I can tell you that, while living in China - and speaking with Chinese speakers, I have heard it spoken different ways - usually as a 'sh' sound though. However, I also know that some Chinese don't even know their own language that well. Often times, they just aren't very well educated. I have seen Chinese natives have to refer to a Chinese dictionary in order to give me a word for something - because they weren't sure. It's strange.

Anyway, all I'm saying is, I'm not surprised if I have been hearing it wrong (even by Chinese native speakers).
Maybe it's like an American saying 'comfortable'. Many Americans will pronounce it as 'comftorble'.
I am a little surprised that this mistaken pronunciation can be witnessed on such a large scale though. Then again, maybe I am just not 'listening' very well - and after reading the books and learning the sounds, I just assumed that it was being pronounced as 'sh'.

No biggie.
Thanks for the education - I am intrigued now. I will have to ask a few Chinese that I know - and possibly correct them!

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